Overcommitting: A Subtle Way We Abandon Ourselves

The “DO all the things” season… right before I pause and choose differently.

Maybe this sounds familiar: this spring I’ve wanted to get out of the house and DO all the things. Volunteer at church? Yes. Drive three hours to pick my oldest daughter up from college? Sure! Attend my youngest daughter’s school dance? Let’s go! 

Family potlucks, paint’n’sips, coffee with friends, dinners, fairs, – and these are just the fun things! (Add  in cleaning out the basement, organizing file cabinets, doctor’s appointments, mowing the lawn…you get the idea.)

This has become part of my healing journey – noticing when a full calendar starts to cost me more than it gives.

I’ve realized that even when these things matter to me – and even when they feed my soul – they still require energy. So I’m learning to work within my energy budget and create more balance. Saying no to things I want to do is hard, especially when FOMO kicks in.

When I decide ahead of time to honor my boundaries and my limitations, I stay grounded. And when I override those boundaries, my body reminds me – quickly – why balance matters.

Overcommitting is a subtle way we abandon ourselves. Returning to ourselves means recognizing our limits and staying within them.

Here’s what that’s looked like for me:

The Desire: I wanted to do a full morning of classes and church. Fellowship before and after. Active listening during the sermon. Lunch with everyone afterward (where I’d likely eat food that sends me into a crash). Then the psychic fair to reconnect with friends. More active listening in workshops. Going into it, I knew it wouldn’t be healthy for me to DO all the things. 

A subtle tweak: decide ahead of time what "enough" looks like.

Instead, I made some subtle tweaks:

The Reality: I attended the one-hour worship service at church, actively listening as I was able. Then I drove to the psychic fair and ate salad quietly in my car, allowing my body and energy levels a chance to reset. I went to the workshop my friend was leading, visited briefly with others, and when I got home, I allowed myself a three-hour nap.

By setting my boundaries ahead of time, I protected my agency. I also set the expectations with others: I might not do everything, but I would do what I could.

It’s so easy to fall into a habit of overcommitting – there are so many fun things to do! And having a chronic illness means my body lets me know very quickly when I’ve taken on too much.

Returning to me means instead of focusing on what I’m missing, I’m focused on protecting my agency and finding balance.

Even if you don’t have a chronic illness, your body has limits. If you’re in a season of overcommitting, your body is probably telling you, too. Take a moment and check in with your body. What is one subtle tweak you can make today that returns you to yourself?

Feel like sharing? Answer that question in the comments below or send me an email at discerningyoullc@gmail.com.